“Imposter syndrome is that uncomfortable feeling you experience when you think you’re unqualified and incompetent. You might look around and assume everyone knows what they’re doing except you. And if you achieve something good, you’ll chalk your accomplishments up to good luck.”
I don’t say this lightly, but this is how I feel about now; i don’t feel I’m at the level worthy of racing. Well ok, I’m exaggerating a little bit of course, but to be fair i do not feel to the standard of what I will encounter. When I went to Penrith to the Sydney International Regatta Centre (ironically for triathlon, not rowing) for the Australian Championships and pulled up in my car, I looked around and genuinely thought; best get the hell out of here, these people are serious! “Look how fit they are! Check those shaved legs, Look at that fancy gear! Look how much “M dot” crap they are wearing” (triathletes know what I mean), well that was silly, I had a ripper race and absolutely earnt my position on that start line.
Well the same applies now, although I need to be the guy they look at and say “what am I doing here”. I know I’m fit, I know I’m in good form (best of my life) but unlike normal races there wont be any “padding”; I don’t mean that out of disrespect, but most races there is never a fear of even missing a decent result, but now there is. Every single person on that start line (all 42 of the in my age group) are good! very good! so its a different proposition.
Why am I thinking about this now? because only 2 weeks out is is real, very real. I’ve been lying awake at night visualising the race for weeks/ months, but now its nearly here, its real. And I cant wait, albeit shitting myself.
Reality, I’ve done the work, and I know I can hurt more than the others! the only question is, how much better than me are they, well time will tell, but I need to shake this imposter idea out of my head and front up with confidence and deliver on all the work I have put in.
And this is why I love team sports, because you have somewhere to hide (I mean emotionally) you can encourage and absorb the energy from the group, but individual sports and you are alone, completely alone; especially on that start line.
Anyway, that’s all a bit negative! so time to change the mindset and get the head back in the game, after all its that which got me to this point. so onwards and upwards and enjoy the tapering that is starting now and relax into the tail end of the journey.